I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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