the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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