Can i not drive my cunt home
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize