The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
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He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
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Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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