forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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