It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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