Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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