Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize