I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize