Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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