The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize