my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
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Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
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I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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