Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
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In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Found your dick twin last night
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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