I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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