The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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