Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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