Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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