remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
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I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
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So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My vagina is very pro this idea
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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