Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
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Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
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You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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