she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
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Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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