Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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