I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
babies were throwing up all over the place
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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