Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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