she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
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In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
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I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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