Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
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You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
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Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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