I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize