so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
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Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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