Buhtt sex?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
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can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
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I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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