It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize