you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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