When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize