Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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