I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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