My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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