I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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