you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
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Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
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I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize