i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize