Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
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Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
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This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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