My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i permit you to call me
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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