sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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