If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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