how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
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I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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