we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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