I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize