I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize