I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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