dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize