Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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