Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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