Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
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True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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